i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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