porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Randomize
