Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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