It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just sent this text using only my big toe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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