just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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