Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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