Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
