she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
