lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this just has baby written all over it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
