so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
