Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
