If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
