I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
