but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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