If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
