I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
