Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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