My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
