You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
