I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
