She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
