I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
