Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
