on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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