Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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