went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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