I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
