We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
