OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
