Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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