The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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