The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A+ Viking dick
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
