toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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