I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
