I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
