Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
