My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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