god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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