dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
