He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't notice because vodka
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
