I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
