I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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