Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
