he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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