Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
