he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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