just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
