I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Fuck appropriateness.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
