New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
