if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
