The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
