Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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